“Until Christ be formed in You”

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Well, for me it didn’t happen over night.  When I started out I was a rebelious teen sneaking out at night, getting drunk, stoned, hating my sister, experiementing with sex.

I pretty much took over the possition of my X step dad.  I’d come home from school, light up that cigerette, and turn Van Halen up as loud as I could.  The louder the better.  Why I liked it loud I don’t know….maybe because he did….maybe because in his heart I was the daughter he wanted that nobody else wanted….and I knew that.  He even called me “his daughter.”  I acted just like him too….the only “father” I ever knew , mistreating my sister because that is what he did.   I came home drunk one night with my guy friend Mike who was a long haired pot head but a nice long haired pot head who politely took all the blame whenI was so drunk I lit the cigerette from the wrong end….and I really thought I was smoking it.  And the days of “sun-in” and bleach blonde hair that was dry as hay….and a big attitude, so skinny from no food I was almost anorexic, and tanned, verry tanned.  So angry that all it took was for me to drop something to set me off cussing.  Extreamly withdrawn, no real friends except Mike…who probably would have made a good husband if he ever gave up pot, maybe even if he didn’t. ( I beat him at some board game….I don’t remember which one.)

My sister and I had *no* relationship.  My mother was always working and when she wasn’t she was in her room crying over the next guy she lost, and finally begging me, begging me to go to church with her.  I finally did, thinking there had to be something better than this.  I feel bad for my mom but it really wasn’t all her fault.  If my Grandpa wasn’t so abusive she would have had a better life.  “Provoke not your children to anger.”

I’m just now getting to know my sister.  Why does life have to be so difficult.  Most sisters are best friends be we are like Jacob and Esau.  Or in the Bible Rachel and Lea, me always the ugly one…the invisible one….the one who had no personality….no friends…and like Rachel, Rebecca was beautiful and well favored and I was just a lost “ugly” soul still in the “Oh my God what in the world is this” fase.

OK.  Life did not change for me overnight.  First I became a Baptist and after I went through their whole “Romans road to salvation” salvation plan and called on the lord they stopped there.  Didn’t explain repentance, why I needed to be baptised or anything…just the calling and believing part.  Knowing nothing and being extreamly trusting, I believed them….Until I went to youth camp and learned about Lordship salvation.

There is just a mess of religious nonsense out there you have to weed your way through and you can’t believe everything everybody tells you because most of the time they’ve been taught at some seminary what to believe.

I lived in doubts and depression for fifteen years, fearing the “rapture” never sure of anything and scared to death of dying.  But that depression is God’s call telling you there is something wrong.

Best way I moved on from there was after I was confronted by some people who told me about God’s commandments.  I was taught by the Baptists it was not necessary to obey God.  They were pretty convincing about it, but in my heart I knew something was wrong.  After studying with the Sabbath day keepers for about six months I realized I had been duped and was in agaony after that until I started setting aside a time….at least an hour…more like two for study and prayer.

One of my favorite passages that helped me is John 15.  It speaks of abiding in the vine (the branches).  If we dont stay connected with Jesus we can’t grow and we won’t be righteous.  You have to get His Words *in you* and you need to do it every day if you can.

When I started out I did this in the morning…after husband was off to work so about 6:30 am-9:00 am.  It was good.  After a little while maybe about six months I went to a local cell church and told of my new found faith….I unexpectedly ran right into QM, but I didn’t know who he was.  I was still extreamly shook up (or afraid) but at least I knew the Truth.

Eventually, that Truth delivered me from the depression of my younger years, but it also took leaving two abusive relationships.

Google the law written on the heart….Essential, important.  I asked God to write his law in my heart, and he did.  I started seeing progress after about six months.

I still have quite a temper, but its just that I learned to take up for myself.  In the past I kept quiet, let people throw rocks at me, run over me, abuse me.  The drinking and pot stopped when I moved in with my legal guardians….but only because they made me.  I needed structure.  I never thought I’d come this far….to actually be used by God to help his people.  But like I said…you never know what you casn do until you try.

Also, prayer.  A lot of prayer…probably not as much now as needed but maybe 30 min./day.

After a year there will be a significant difference.

QW

 

 

 

 

 

I can do it. You can do it.

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The Bible says life and death is in the power of the tongue.  This goes true for everything in your life, including loosing weight and gaining your health back.  Have you ever heard of the quote by Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t your right.”?  Well that’s true.

A few years ago I was a member of a group that had to do with size acceptance.  It is true that beauty is what’s on the inside, but it was difficult to be around people who had such bad attitudes about taking care of yourself.  I realize that some people have eating disorders and stress over every inch they loose or gain, but that’s not what I’m talking about.  What I’m talking about is people who don’t care if they are dangerously overweight and they don’t care and don’t want to try and change their lifestyle one iota even if it means to save their lives.  One woman even stated that since she knew she would gain the weight back she wasn’t even going to try.

Well, after becoming diabetic myself after years of being 125 lb. overweight I realized I needed to make some changes.  My first change was to leave that group.  My second change was I changed my lifestyle and all I had to do was go to beauty school.  Just being up on my feet doing something all day helped a lot.  I lost 30 lbs.the first few months!

Lately changing my eating habits and controlling my portion sizes has caused me to drop another 20 lbs!  I’ve gained a few back but I’m going to start over with a new attitude and I* will* loose the weight.

“Old habits die slowly” is an old outdated mindset.  To replace old habits here are three steps:

  1. Decide what you want to do and the results you want.  Be specific.
  2. Develop actions that would accomplish what you desire.
  3. Examine your actions to see if you are holding back or not, or if you need to make any changes.

Here are my three steps:

  1. I want to loose my next twenty pounds in about four months.
  2. I will include at least thirty minutes of exercise in my day, every day.  I will use portion control and be careful about the deserts.  I will start walking tomorrow.  I will buy a DVD player for my exercise dvds to go in the living room where I have a little more room to work out.  I will get plenty of sleep so I will be able to do this.  I will buy the food I need to make the portion control recipes in my book.
  3. Actions seem good so I’m good to go!

 

 

Having a little bit of a setback but……

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Good morning.  Well, I received the diet program  in the mail and I’m just not motivated enough to stay with it.  I guess its because I don’t like measuring my food .  its a chore.  But its a good program for those who have the will power to measure your food every day.  I guess it could work for some.    But more than anything I think maybe I need to rethink all of this.  Yes, I spent a lot of money on this…..a lesson learned.  But Autumn Calabrese has a good cookbook out:  FIXATE 101 recipes to use with the 21 day fix portion control program.  You can use the recipes in this book to go with your own weight loss lifestyle change program.  I’m not going to measure my food anymore.  Its monotonous and being excessive.

Portion control is a good idea.  It has worked for my Dad and he lost 70 lbs.!  He doesn’t even exercise.  He just eats a small portion- no measuring.

Right now I’m managing to maintain my current weight and keep eating smaller portions.  I’ve got to get back in the groove and get serious again.  I’m still in a size 18 and although my blood sugar has been a little higher in the morning.  Its all because I slacked off and ran out of test strips and sort of lost interest.  Sooooo…….

Will start back my exercise routine in March and continue to do portion control. I don’t think I can keep using the bowls.  Never the less I will get back to using Autum’s cookbook because with each recipe all the measuring is done for you and just have to read and see how much is a serving.  I like the program, just need to modify to be flexible.  And who says you can’t go out to eat while trying to loose weight?  If I focus on small portions like only one trip to the buffet then I’m good to go.  Its going to take me probably a year to loose the weight so I’m not going to go a whole year without eating out is so not enjoying life.  And here is a recent photo of me.  You know, I don’t look so bad for pushing fifty.lol

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A recent photo.

winning the blood sugar battle AND the weight battle.

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I have great news!  Since I’ve moved back to my moms I have dropped 17 pounds!  I started out at about 256 and I’m down to 239!  This is a tremendous hurdle for me as I couldn’t seem to get below the 240’s.  I’ll tell you how I did it.  Portion control.

After getting most of my teeth pulled and being fitted for a partial for both upper and lower jaws I learned to eat less.  As my mouth healed I kept with the eating less and learned to eat until it was enough, not until I was stuffed.  Also I dropped the heavy meal at night.  I only have a light snack before bed so I can take my medicine.  I don’t eat past 7:00pm.

Loosing the weight Has  also helped me to lower my blood sugar by 100 points!  Most of the time I don’t even have to give myself a shot at night.  I still haven’t been exercising and I need to get back into that, but one thing at a time.

I found that my body doesn’t *need*as much food as it did when I was younger.  I’m no longer chasing after toddlers or nursing a newborn.  I can do with a little less food.

I’ve decided to go for loosing another 20 pounds.  I went from a size 22\24 to a size 18.  Now I’m shooting for a size 16 as I drop another 20 pounds.  I know I can do this!

I’ve also ordered this new diet/exercise program called the 21 day fix by beachbody.  Im not planning to go on a diet I just needed a little boost for my will power.  It is a lifestyle change program that starts you out loosing a little weight in 21 days but you can stick with the program your whole life. It has different plans for caloric intake and you get to choose which plan you want to start with.  My friend who started the program has already loist 13 pounds and my Dad has lost about 70 pounds from using portion control.  It includes bowls to measure your food.  You don’t have to count calories or points.  Just measure your food in these bowls for each meal and it really is a decent amount of food.  Also included are a couple of exercise DVDs with numerous exercises. Well my package hasn’t come yet but it should be here today.  I ordered a package off Amazon for $72. and ordered a book by the same author for $25.99 off eBay.  The title of the book is Fixate 101 personal recipes to use with the 21 day fix portion control program.  The author of the book is Autumn Calabrese.  I hope you check it out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

winning the blood sugar battle

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Ever since I moved back home from East Texas my blood sugar has been out of whack.  It doesn’t help matters that my step Dad comes home from work hungry at 10:00 pm and wants my mom to fix him supper around that time because he thinks he’s starving. (I wouldn’t do this if it were my husband.  I would  say “there’s the hot pockets, there’s the microwave…..have fun and goodnight.”). For some odd reason and defying all logic I decided to join in with their midnight  escapade of eating a large meal before almost the next day…..for a week or so and it led to over 300 in blood sugar readings the next day!!!  Mix that with a new doctor trying to ” experiment” with my medication and you have a recipe for disaster!

Well to shorten this a bit I’ll get to the point.  Skip the evening meal.  I started to realize that if I made lunch my main meal of the day , when I use the most energy and have a light snack for supper not only will I have better control over my blood sugar, I will also loose a little weight.  Lost a few more pounds since my last update and blood sugar not as high in the morning.  So I think I found what works for me.  Now, if I can just get back into an exercise routine!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Beginning of fall update and thoughts.

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Trying to get adjusted to new doctor, new pharmacy, new home after i moved from East Texas back to where im from in Texas. It can be a challenge. My habbits have changed; both what i eat and how much. (Mom likes to control my eating and that helps in an irritating sort of way.).

Nonetheless i have been struggling with getting back into the routine of exercising almost every day and when i do im rewarded with more energy and lower blood sugar levels.

I havent really been trying all that hard to loose weight but i have lost about eight pounds since my move back home. I tnink its because i feel guilty about digging in another persons fridge and/or cubbords. Lol. But i am learning that weight loss takes sacrifice and…..
Im not eating near as much icecream and cheetows and other junk food. So moms guarding me has paid off and im getting back to my exercising.

Its helpful that there is a small gym right here in the apartment complex so now i warm up with a brief walk and do about two-three miles on the stationary bike. Blood sugar is great when i work out hard. Im exercising about an hour twice a week but i need to work out at least three times a week. Thats the next step….upping it to three times a week.