After one day at my moms I realize I need my own place…… Again.

My gypsy life

The dogs woke me up at 12:00 barking at nothing.  Mom was complaining about how much of my stuff she saw in her house,  her friend that lives with her is annoyed at everything.   I’m walking on eggshells, and the TV is always on… Till 5:00 am Spanish TV and he has it turned up loud all night long.   Sometimes because her husband and her are yelling at each other S.  gets angry and starts slamming doors.   Then Mom wants to know how much my blood sugar is,  she’s too nosy.   My health is my business.

I wish I had the kind of family that cared about each other.   I wish I didn’t have to come here.   But wait I don’t.   When I get paid I go back to Dallas and pay to get car out.   I can’t get it totally out…

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Church authority: People use this to graft into “their realm of athority” anything (any rule) that is rude and unlawful or otherwise unfair.

Now for the area of “church authority”  I must ask how much authority does the church have?  Did you know with the Catholics they forbade the clergy to marry?  This is not only unbiblical it is also grounds for every sexual sin under the sun , which is why it is often heard or common that the priests in the Catholic church not only have sex with the nuns, but engage in other sexual sins like homosexuality.   I have read a lot in history about alter boys being molested at a young age by the priests….so this is one area or one example where the church has no business and that is forbidding to marry.

I faced this while considering being part of the Mennonite community about 20 years ago.  They had a head somewhere that made all the rules of “that particular sect of Mennonites”  (study Menno Simmons, church history).  Whith this /these groups they make standards or sub laws under God’s law, which is not biblical.  I found myself conforming so much to their dress code, and car code, and house code that I forgot about

God’s code:  (God’s laws).  We don’t need a dress code we just need to follow what the Bible says.  Women should dress modestly (whether pants, dresses, coulots etc.) and should not dress to entice men.  Women now days say, “Well it doesn’t matter it’s his problem.”  No, it is society’s problem.  Women in America used to care.  That’s all.  But they don’t.  And for that matter it is also good for men to dress in moderation also.

Well, these are two examples of where the church has overstepped their bounds.  I will also say it is wrong to shun people even after they have stopped committing what ever wrong they did.  We should be as God and forget each others sins just as the Lord does not hold a grudge.  David did say, “Lord if you should count our iniquities, Lord who shall stand?….God is not a God who remembers forever our sins nor should we continuously punish someone who is sorry.  But never the less it is happening so much so I don’t ever think I will be found worthy of any of the men at a a particular church

not even if I were acutally reborn a third time and became a virgin all over….I will never truly be considered an equal and probably, this is part of the reason the Father favors me…because I am unwanted, or least esteamed.  But that is also un Biblical because the Bible teaches that every person should esteem the next person as better than himself.

When we go about disqualifying people based on what ever petty reasons we can come up with we in actuality make them greater than ourselves.

QW

 

 

What is accusing the brethren?

Why is it when “the brethren” of any particular church label you as an accuser of the brethren just because you point out a problem with the church?

I get this with every church I go to if I stay long enough to where issues develop eventually you’ll run into a problem and if you say anything at all you instantly become

an “accuser of the brethren”.

This is not only a slap in the face because that is not only equating you with Satan (or they’re calling you a liar) they are also saying your problems don’t even matter enough to be even considered as legitimate which is also insulting and frustrating.

How can you possibly bring a group of people together and not have conflict?  It’s impossible.  Churches split over the dumbest reasons:  the color of the toilet paper, which songs are chosen.

Paul had issues arise in the church and he addressed them.  But here you can’t say anything…now this is not only offensive, it is childish, and it’s not only that, it not even Biblical.

There has got to be some way to bring your problems and conflicts with people to light without being called a liar or Satanic  and I’m going to find out what it is.

I know my sister in the Lord did tell me I need to go to a certain person and work things out, which I should have done and not blasted it on facebook, and I apologized.  Not the place to talk about church problems, even though my page is made up of mostly one church, and even though this person never came to me when he/she saw a problem with my behavior.

But to say something wrong happened in the church to you is not wrong…it is communicating and if you can’t communicate with your brothers and sisters in the Lord then you can’t be part of that church, which in turn is a way of getting rid of me….or it’s saying, “Your not important enough to us to even consider anything you have to say.”    In other words:  “Don’t talk to her…we don’t want her to really be part of this….maybe she’ll leave.”  Or in other words….”Let’s giver her the cold shoulder….” :  another way to shun people and it’s never been colder….really, not *anywhere*.  And also, if she complains about anything even how we’re treating her lets call her a liar or an “accuser of the brethren.”

I won’t say anymore.  People are so obnoctous and really before they jump to conclutions about things find out what is really  going on first without having already decided or being closed minded.

 

Try being homeless for two weeks: a sure reduction in weight…guaranteed loss of 20 pounds+…if you apply.

I needed to loose weight anyway and homelessness is the perfect solution if your as desperate as me to loose weight (although that’s not why I became homeless).  I became homeless because I didn’t want to continue to live for things:  money, furniture, cars, relationships with men other than Yeshua ….AND I just wanted to pay off some bills that I couldn’t afford to pay off while paying the high price of rent and utilities in Denton.  So….it’s all advantageous for me as long as I don’t get distracted from the reason I was put in this century and not put on the earth 200 yrs. ago .

Losing weight is another goal that has been on my list of must do goals in order to keep in tip top shape.  When your homeless you eat less….a lot less because there is no tv for one and for two you have to walk a lot if your going to do anything but bum around you’ll be on your feet walking to the library, the shops, the train station, then back to where you eat and sleep…so your looking at 5-10 miles/day without a car.  With a car will be a lot less, of course.

I’ve lost an additional 20+ lbs. (I don’t know for sure until I weigh) and about 2-3 dress sizes and I’ve been homeless at first in my car and now without for going on 2 mos.  I have to loose an additional 35 and I will prob. be at my ideal weight for my age which is about 165 lbs.  I’ve been working on this weight reduction since I had my last baby about 13 years ago….maybe , perhaps, in prep. for my next child….but honestly do I want to put my body through that again?  No.  I’m actually more fond of the idea of adopting.  Women of the Bible I don’t think had as many children as I have.  Usually they had one or two and at the most three because men back then had more than one wife so others could share in the childbearing….I think six is sufficient….so hopefully someday maybe find a man who doesn’t want any or any more or IDK God has someone for me.

Actually to put this in better perspective I’ve gone from a size 2X to a size Large/Med. over the past year and 1/2  That’s about 45 lbs. of weight loss in about 18 mos.  I don’t believe in rapid weight loss….I believe in gradual weight loss.  Starving is not good.  Excessive exercise is not good.  You need a balance and you don’t need to be in a hurry.  People who rush things and go on fad diets end up gaining all the weight back or binging.  My main goal for weight loss is health.  I have a friend who lost all her weight while homeless (she was about 65 overweight)  and her diabetes went away.  Having children at my age *is* possible, but I don’t like the roller coaster ride it puts you on….gain 60…lose 20…..gain another 50….loose 20.  And it’s easier to gain than to loose.  so, no more babies unless God wants…but hey….there are lots of children out there who need loving parents….lonely children who need and want someone like me maybe.

“Until Christ be formed in You”

Well, for me it didn’t happen over night.  When I started out I was a rebelious teen sneaking out at night, getting drunk, stoned, hating my sister, experiementing with sex.

I pretty much took over the possition of my X step dad.  I’d come home from school, light up that cigerette, and turn Van Halen up as loud as I could.  The louder the better.  Why I liked it loud I don’t know….maybe because he did….maybe because in his heart I was the daughter he wanted that nobody else wanted….and I knew that.  He even called me “his daughter.”  I acted just like him too….the only “father” I ever knew , mistreating my sister because that is what he did.   I came home drunk one night with my guy friend Mike who was a long haired pot head but a nice long haired pot head who politely took all the blame whenI was so drunk I lit the cigerette from the wrong end….and I really thought I was smoking it.  And the days of “sun-in” and bleach blonde hair that was dry as hay….and a big attitude, so skinny from no food I was almost anorexic, and tanned, verry tanned.  So angry that all it took was for me to drop something to set me off cussing.  Extreamly withdrawn, no real friends except Mike…who probably would have made a good husband if he ever gave up pot, maybe even if he didn’t. ( I beat him at some board game….I don’t remember which one.)

My sister and I had *no* relationship.  My mother was always working and when she wasn’t she was in her room crying over the next guy she lost, and finally begging me, begging me to go to church with her.  I finally did, thinking there had to be something better than this.  I feel bad for my mom but it really wasn’t all her fault.  If my Grandpa wasn’t so abusive she would have had a better life.  “Provoke not your children to anger.”

I’m just now getting to know my sister.  Why does life have to be so difficult.  Most sisters are best friends be we are like Jacob and Esau.  Or in the Bible Rachel and Lea, me always the ugly one…the invisible one….the one who had no personality….no friends…and like Rachel, Rebecca was beautiful and well favored and I was just a lost “ugly” soul still in the “Oh my God what in the world is this” fase.

OK.  Life did not change for me overnight.  First I became a Baptist and after I went through their whole “Romans road to salvation” salvation plan and called on the lord they stopped there.  Didn’t explain repentance, why I needed to be baptised or anything…just the calling and believing part.  Knowing nothing and being extreamly trusting, I believed them….Until I went to youth camp and learned about Lordship salvation.

There is just a mess of religious nonsense out there you have to weed your way through and you can’t believe everything everybody tells you because most of the time they’ve been taught at some seminary what to believe.

I lived in doubts and depression for fifteen years, fearing the “rapture” never sure of anything and scared to death of dying.  But that depression is God’s call telling you there is something wrong.

Best way I moved on from there was after I was confronted by some people who told me about God’s commandments.  I was taught by the Baptists it was not necessary to obey God.  They were pretty convincing about it, but in my heart I knew something was wrong.  After studying with the Sabbath day keepers for about six months I realized I had been duped and was in agaony after that until I started setting aside a time….at least an hour…more like two for study and prayer.

One of my favorite passages that helped me is John 15.  It speaks of abiding in the vine (the branches).  If we dont stay connected with Jesus we can’t grow and we won’t be righteous.  You have to get His Words *in you* and you need to do it every day if you can.

When I started out I did this in the morning…after husband was off to work so about 6:30 am-9:00 am.  It was good.  After a little while maybe about six months I went to a local cell church and told of my new found faith….I unexpectedly ran right into QM, but I didn’t know who he was.  I was still extreamly shook up (or afraid) but at least I knew the Truth.

Eventually, that Truth delivered me from the depression of my younger years, but it also took leaving two abusive relationships.

Google the law written on the heart….Essential, important.  I asked God to write his law in my heart, and he did.  I started seeing progress after about six months.

I still have quite a temper, but its just that I learned to take up for myself.  In the past I kept quiet, let people throw rocks at me, run over me, abuse me.  The drinking and pot stopped when I moved in with my legal guardians….but only because they made me.  I needed structure.  I never thought I’d come this far….to actually be used by God to help his people.  But like I said…you never know what you casn do until you try.

Also, prayer.  A lot of prayer…probably not as much now as needed but maybe 30 min./day.

After a year there will be a significant difference.

QW

 

 

 

 

 

I can do it. You can do it.

The Bible says life and death is in the power of the tongue.  This goes true for everything in your life, including loosing weight and gaining your health back.  Have you ever heard of the quote by Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t your right.”?  Well that’s true.

A few years ago I was a member of a group that had to do with size acceptance.  It is true that beauty is what’s on the inside, but it was difficult to be around people who had such bad attitudes about taking care of yourself.  I realize that some people have eating disorders and stress over every inch they loose or gain, but that’s not what I’m talking about.  What I’m talking about is people who don’t care if they are dangerously overweight and they don’t care and don’t want to try and change their lifestyle one iota even if it means to save their lives.  One woman even stated that since she knew she would gain the weight back she wasn’t even going to try.

Well, after becoming diabetic myself after years of being 125 lb. overweight I realized I needed to make some changes.  My first change was to leave that group.  My second change was I changed my lifestyle and all I had to do was go to beauty school.  Just being up on my feet doing something all day helped a lot.  I lost 30 lbs.the first few months!

Lately changing my eating habits and controlling my portion sizes has caused me to drop another 20 lbs!  I’ve gained a few back but I’m going to start over with a new attitude and I* will* loose the weight.

“Old habits die slowly” is an old outdated mindset.  To replace old habits here are three steps:

  1. Decide what you want to do and the results you want.  Be specific.
  2. Develop actions that would accomplish what you desire.
  3. Examine your actions to see if you are holding back or not, or if you need to make any changes.

Here are my three steps:

  1. I want to loose my next twenty pounds in about four months.
  2. I will include at least thirty minutes of exercise in my day, every day.  I will use portion control and be careful about the deserts.  I will start walking tomorrow.  I will buy a DVD player for my exercise dvds to go in the living room where I have a little more room to work out.  I will get plenty of sleep so I will be able to do this.  I will buy the food I need to make the portion control recipes in my book.
  3. Actions seem good so I’m good to go!